author blog family motherhood Mar 19, 2021

The Lost Mom

Some of us, we live happily ever after as man and wife. Some of us live with a man, or a woman, or multiple men or women. Some of us live with a lifelong friend, or a family member. Some of us live with our fur critters. Some of us live in co-dependent relationships and think everything is ok.

  Whatever the relationship is, we want to feel love. I myself, I based my worth on the love of others. I based my worth on my spouse of 16 years continuing to call me his wife. I based my worth on being the perfect mom, the mom who carefully attached the beautiful labels to all of their clothing, purchased them the best of the best, and washed their shoes so they didn’t go to school dirty. I based my worth on going above and beyond in my job to please anyone, and everyone, even when I was exhausted. I based my worth on everything, except what I have now learned is the most important to base my worth on. Myself.

In 2018 my life changed overnight, I was suddenly no...

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I never knew how much perseverance it took to be a mother until I became one. For the first five years of my son’s life, I learned to parent a child with speech sound disorder, anxiety, sensory aversions, and fine/oral motor delays. 

Naively, I did not expect that becoming a mother to a tiny person would entail such significant obstacles. Additionally, not having the tools to understand him led me to feel great helplessness—the absolute worst feeling for any mother. 

I would ask myself questions such as, why does my son not like food? Why does he hate sleeping alone? Why does he still drool at 3-years old? Why does he not pronounce his words correctly? Why does he pull tantrums when his pants or sweater ride-up?

Am I to blame for any of these difficulties? These pondering whys felt like such a burden on my soul because I could not find anyone who could genuinely understand me or my son’s daily struggles. I, who advocated for countless mothers and their...

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