As a child of the 1980’s and 1990’s, I grew up in the era of Instant Gratification. Everything we wanted, it seemed we could have. The latest toys, electronics and instant food. The Media was beginning to really take off and we gorged ourselves on it. In this age of newfound freedom and instant gratification, I learned that it was encouraged to look outside of myself for guidance and direction in my life. As I grew up, I based all of my decisions not on what felt right for me but what others told me should feel right for me. I based my self-worth on how successful I was in conforming to those ideals.
Guess what? I failed. Every. Single. Time.
I never could quite figure out how to live up to those standards. I have struggled with my weight since I was 8 years old. My hair is coarse, prone to frizz and what others have referred to as mousy brown. I have worn glasses since I was 11 years old. The cherry on top? I’ve suffered with anxiety since I was a young child.
Square peg. Round hole.
The World had taught me that I could have whatever I wanted and I desperately wanted to fit in to society’s ideals but at what cost? And was it worth it?
At the time I decided it was.
I rejected the parts of myself that made my Soul feel lit up. I dismissed my bubbly personality and kindness as annoying and weak. I ridiculed my too large body and my unruly hair daily. I tried every diet known to man, spent all my money on hair and acne products. Nothing helped me fill the void within. I allowed others to walk all over me. I never gave my opinion and I had trouble making decisions because I didn’t trust that I knew what was best for me. I bit my tongue and I shrunk in attempt to fit in.
I had clipped my own wings and then didn’t understand why I couldn’t take off.
All of this began to change for me around the age of 37. One day I woke up and heard very clearly, my own head voice say “Today is the day you let yourself free.”
Free? I’m free, I retorted! But as I allowed this thought to absorb more deeply, I realised that I wasn’t free. No, I had never allowed myself that.
The next day, I made the decision to stop colouring my hair. I publicly told my friends and family on my social media as a way to hold myself accountable. Rather than be met with questions or judgement, I found my inbox flooded with messages of encouragement. It seemed this small decision had opened a door within that I had long since closed behind me.
With every inch that my natural hair colour grew in, my self-worth grew along with it. I felt pride in my commitment to myself for the first time in a long time. A tiny seed had been planted and I was excited to see it grow.
A few months later, I lost my Dad unexpectedly. His sudden passing at age 60 taught me first hand that growing older is a privilege denied to many. In the months to follow, I began to receive amazing clarity around the things that I needed to release and heal from. My inability to accept and love myself being number 1. As I worked through my feelings and repressed emptions that I had been trying to bury for decades, I realised that the very things I had been working so hard at burying were the things that held the key to my own freedom.
My wings began to flutter.
Let me tell you, it’s a tough pill to swallow when you realize that the key to your healing was in your hand all along. I spent time grieving the years that I felt I had wasted trying so hard to fit in at the expense of my own happiness. Over time, I learned and accepted that the pain and adversities I had faced over my lifetime were purposeful. I needed to let go of the ‘would’ve, could’ve, should’ve’ thinking and use those experiences and emotions as fuel. Our pain has great potential to be a catalyst for our healing. Our challenges and tragedies are very often our greatest life teachers. Often times, the answer is to sit in the ‘muck’ of our pain and to allow ourselves to grow out of it. Like a lotus flower, who grows in deep mud and away from the sun, we also can emerge from darkness and blossom into our true selves.
The Universe runs on duality. Good and Evil. Love and Hate. Black and White. Light and Darkness. The Sun and The Moon. We are no different. We simply cannot all be the same.
We were made to be different.
In a world that profits off your uncertainty, insecurities and wounds, it’s a serious act of bravery and rebellion to stand tall and proclaim “Yes, I’m different and I like it that way!’
Each and every one of us came here to offer something uniquely ‘us’ to the world. What if instead of glamourizing and idealizing ‘Sameness’, we honoured ‘Uniqueness’? When we follow the things that light us up, we shine! And in doing so, we help others that may be in the dark, to rise and grow themselves.
I believe that the biggest lesson we’ll ever learn in this life is realizing that you hold the key.
Are you ready to unlock the door?
A highly sensitive person and empath, Amy was often prone to feelings of overwhelm by taking on the emotions and energy of others and this led to a feeling of disconnection. That is, a lack of confidence, connection and belief in herself. After the sudden passing of her Dad, Amy experienced a Spiritual awakening and was able to reconnect to who she came here to be. She realized that her sensitivity was actually her Superpower. As a down to earth and heart centred intuitive and decades of experiencing the wonders of the Universe for herself, she took the leap and launched her Spiritual business in early 2019.